My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
