the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
