Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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