we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
