she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
