please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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