I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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