If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
