I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
