I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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