ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
