looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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