i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
