I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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