The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
