I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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