can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
