If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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