Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
