Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
