I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
