She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
