True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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