She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What a dumb baby whore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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