Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
