Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
