Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
