Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize