Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
