I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
