Need sex. Gaining weight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize