I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize