You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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