can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
