I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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