woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
