there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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