I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
PANTIES FOUND
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
