Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
