i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She even gives head with a lisp.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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