i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
