Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
