dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize