You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
