I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
