so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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