Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
