twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
