dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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