I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
