when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
