Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
