He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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