bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
