Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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