:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
