Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i believe in u and ur pee
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
