I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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