With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
