just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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