Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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