You really coming over, don't trick.
You're my little dorito
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
