and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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