he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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