I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Im part way to drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
