He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
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I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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