just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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