You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
