Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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