Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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