I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
