its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
