I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said her name was "party"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
