Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
