The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dicks are not precious.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
