Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she pinky promised me she was 18
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We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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