I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
