The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
