Apparently you make a good broom.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
