How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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