It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
