Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize